I�m sitting at work and my cell rings. It�s a goalie-buddy of mine who wants me to play for him tonight. He�s a good guy and has played for me before, so I owe him. Shit, he played at 6 and stayed to play for me at 10 once, I owe him BIG, not serious tongue-action, but I can at least fill in on his team.

So I say, �What�s wrong pussyass? Shit man, you hurt? Are you bleeding out of your EYES? That�s the only way you�d miss a fucking playoff game.�

He tells me he�s going to a concert tonight.

Me: Okay, which concert? (Thinking something once in a lifetime, like Fleetwood Mac and Limp Bizkit)

PussyAss: Jimmy Buffet.

Me: You�re fuckin shittin� me.

PussyAss: What�s wrong with Jimmy Buffet?

Me: Nothing, if you�re fat, wear tropical shirts and are gay, and dude, if you call yourself a ParrotNose or what-the-fuck-ever those fags call themselves, then I�m kicking you in the crotch til you DO bleed out of your eyes.

PussyAss: Hey man, Buffet makes me feel good. I go to a Buffet concert and I�m on a happy-high for 2 or 3 days.

Me: That�s because of all the shit flowing through your bloodstream, you stupid bitch. That�s your fucking brain on drugs.

PussyAss: Naw man, I go to Metallica and for 2 days I wanna punch people and break shit. I go to Buffet, I�m happy and it�s the same amount of recreational pharmaceuticals.

Me: If you need to go see Jimmy Buffet to get your happy on and miss your fucking playoff game, then don�t let me stop you. Hell, I�ll play for you too, �cause I owe you. But, the next time I see you, I�m tripping you and doing a fucking elbow-drop in the middle of your fucking back. See how your happy-on holds up after that, fucker.

PussyAss: Thanks, oh, by the way, Best Player, Next Best Player and Good Goddam Player (names have been changed to protect the vaginas) aren�t going to be there tonight. So, good luck.

Me: Fuck you.

I know it�s only roller hockey tonight and not ice, but shit, playoffs is playoffs.

If his team ends up losing bad, I�m going to start stuffing every puck near me into the net until his Goals Against Average is at about 50 and he won�t make the All-Star team.

Let him stuff that in his fucking ParrotHole.