I�m more than happy to write in this fucker every day, but I have to admit that I�m going to get quite boring. I�ll even admit an incredible amount of envy I have for a certain other white meat and his amazing writing style, artistic abilities, and rapier-like wit.

Granted, my wit, on any given occasion can be sharp like a razor, and quick, like a bolt of lightning� No shit. It�s just, anymore that those moments are few and far between. I�ve come to figure out that I�m not surrounding myself with enough smart people. Oh sure, the friends that I have as well as the Girl, are all very intelligent people. But, they don�t make me think when I�m talking to them. I have absolutely no fear that, if I misspeak, I�ll be made complete fun of. Hell, even if I say something remotely retarded, in a situation that I would be all over myself, most of the folks I hang with leave well enough alone. Too bad. It�d be nice to get seriously fucked with. Not like that, pervert.

Wow, do I sound conceited. Believe me, I�m not trying to say that I�m so much smarter than the gorilla-like creature next to me in the lockerroom� well, yeah, actually I am, but I�m definitely not saying that I don�t love to get a few beers with said creature. My beer-swilling pals are the salt of the Earth, whatever the fuck that means. I think it means they�re good folks, but stupid. I�m not sure, but I do know that I very much enjoy a spirited conversation about anal sex, forechecking schemes, and why the Avs are out of the playoffs so early this year, but it�d be fucking great if I wasn�t always �Asshole of the evening�.

I got one buddy that actively pursues this coveted award every time we go out, but the extent of his intellect and the role it plays in this pursuit is limited to calling me a �FuckAss� and pissing on my feet. Sandals, no less. I showed him though, they were his sandals. Bless the heart of my other buddy (another rocket surgeon) when he thought it may help my feet not feel so wet if he kicked dirt on them. Muddy piss feet. Pretty much a guarantee that by giving me muddy piss feet, you�ve more than earned �Asshole of the evening�.

I gotta get better friends.